Gamma Goblin

Call me stupid, but I was out of touch with my Company for almost two weeks while I did my Company punishment in the Chief Petty Officer’s mess aboard the USS Renville. If there was any word for me that came down, I didn’t get it.

When I reported back to India Company, I was assigned as a clerk. Then, I got the word to report to sickbay because I hadn’t received all my shots. Okay. I’ll report.

That’s when my buddies started in on me, messing with my mind. Had I gotten my “GG” shot? It was horrific, they told me, one cc (whatever that was) for every ten pounds a guy weighed. That meant, at 167 pounds, I was gonna get seventeen cc’s. And, you got the shot in your ass. According to my fellow Marines, it left you paralyzed for a week.

The shot was supposed to protect you from the “Plague”. Man! Imagine that! The “Plague” hadn’t been around since guys ran around in dresses. And, here I was being protected from it.

I was given a time to report, and left the Company CP with no trepidation. When I arrived at sickbay, only one Corpsman was on duty. He was an E-5 dressed in whites. He didn’t mind being called “Doc”.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked me. “We’ve been looking for you for three days. You’re the last guy in the Battalion to get this shot.”

Before I could explain, the Doc ordered me to stand two feet from a bulkhead, drop my drawers, place my hands up and look to the right and lean forward. About that time, a hatch opened, a bucket with a wringer appeared. Inside of it was a swab being pushed by a Sailor in bell-bottomed, blue work dungarees. We made eye contact. A “Deck Ape” had intruded on an extremely personal moment!

The Swabbie looked at me, then he looked at the Doc. He turned to me and asked, “You’re not going to let him give you a shot? This guy is a butcher!”

The Doc ran up and came between us, wielding a huge syringe with one helluva long needle. He looked at the sailor and said, “Oh! I suppose you could do better?”

“Yeah!”

“Well. Okay. Here. You give him the shot.”

There were clouds. There were stars in front of my eyes. I felt a little short of breath. I felt a slap on my right cheek (not my face), then a bit of a sting on my left. After that, I don’t remember a thing.

When I came to, I was down on my knees and elbows with my bare ass sticking up in the air. Two Sailors were over my right shoulder laughing their asses off.

Turned out they were both Corpsmen. And, I was the butt (no pun intended) of a classical practical joke.

The Corpsman in whites helped me up to my feet, told me to pull up my trousers and walk topside for at least an hour to work off the shot. Then, both helped me to the ladder to leave sick bay.

At the expense of one dumb Marine, the Navy had its fun that day. But, since then, I’ve gotten even. Every November, I cheer for ARMY!!!!!

Author/ Jerry Czarnowski